Tired of being the GOOD girl.

People blame you, judge you, criticize you or curse you so quickly, if you commit just ONE mistake. Just one. Or even if you didn’t do anything wrong, they judge. In the first place, do they even know you? Do they know your story? The whole of it? No.

This is the problem: PEOPLE ONLY SEE MISTAKES. THEY NEVER RECOGNIZE THE RIGHT THINGS YOU DO.

I hate how close minded and judgmental some people can be. The cover of a book or the summary at the back are never enough to tell how good or bad a book is. YOU HAVE TO READ EVERYTHING AND UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING BEFORE YOU CAN CRITIQUE. 

And by this, I’m referring to making personal blog posts.

In the recent months, I never really had the time to just sit in front of my laptop and type about my life. I usually turn to Tumblr to look at pictures or quotes. Back reading on Tumblr is my way to de-stress. In the past weeks, I never really reblogged anything. Okay, maybe one. That video of Arjohn Gilbert who was discovered on YouTube because he was only selling flutes, but he was a really great singer. But that was it. I had no time to update my blog anymore. Not that I blog. I just reblog. Haha.

Anyway, I’ve been so busy! I’ve been given so many responsibilities in the past 2-3 months. I was tired most of the time and I’ve also become sickly. Not all people know that, with my mom and grandmother in Canada, I was left to take care of my four siblings. I handle our monthly budget and allowances. I shop for groceries. I pay the bills. I scold my siblings if it’s necessary. I remind the boys to get a haircut when they start to look like tambays. I help my sister with her homework if she couldn’t answer them, but usually she can manage it by herself. I want to be a mother someday, but I never imagined that I would be a mom this early!

Plus, this week, I’ve been busy with handling the requirements that the Canadian Embassy needed. I’ve been doing everything on my own! I can’t complain though. I have this attitude of always looking at the brighter side. I consider all these things as blessings. It’s sad though that I don’t have more time for myself. Josh and I don’t meet everyday anymore. Only on weekends. It’s always “Monday to Friday is family/work/other stuff time, but on weekends, it’s Saturdate and Sundate!” Josh has been very patient and understanding. He knows how stressed and tired I am. So every time we go on a date, he always prepares something special to make me feel better. :’)

I wish I could blog more, like I used to. Back in 2008, I never let a day passed without posting on my blogspot. Those were the days. It’s never too late though. I’m great with multi-tasking anyway. I’ve learned to juggle a lot of things at the same time back in college. So let’s hope I can add more personal touches to this blog soon! :)

XOXO

Well, thanks to the typhoon, I’ve been bored the whole day, yesterday. So I’m sorry if your dashboards were filled with my reblogs. But yesterday, I loved the weather. At least the sun’s not out right? And the breeze was cool, too. I had an excuse to drink hot chocolate. :>

Plus, JR, my 2-year old half brother, came! I love pinching his chubby cheeks! And he’s so smart for his age. One time, my other brother was wearing a shirt with “PINOY” written on it. JR shouted “N” and pointed the letter N on the shirt. We found out that he knew what all the letters in the alphabet looks like! Such a smart kid.

Anyway, so as soon as he came inside the house, he saw the laptop and sat in front of it. The webcam was on because I was *ehem* camwhoring. I grabbed the opportunity and took pictures of him. 

He’s a boy, by the way. People always think he’s a she because of his long, curly hair. (He’s wearing a ponytail in the picture.)  My dad says that my brother will lose his cuteness if they cut it. HAHA. Whatever. I still love this little guy.

 katgonida replied to your post: Still crazy in love.

aww. go ate karen! that’s true, you have to love yourself first before you can give love to anyone. so i wish you luck on that, i hope you’ll find what you’re looking for. don’t look too far though, maybe its just within the ppl you love. goodluckk!

Thanks, Kat! There are battles that we have to fight on our own. Haha. May ganon? Thank youuuuu. Pinapalakas niyo lalo loob ko. :’)

 the-tuna-lover replied to your post: Still crazy in love.

parang kami lang at some point, hehe, kakaamaze lang minsan kasi mas nagiging strong ung relp kahit na hindi talaga official na kayo

i’m really hoping na maging stronger kami. hehe. pero parang timang lang kasi parang kami pa din. we don’t know kung pano magshift from “kami” sa “hindi na kami”. haha. but i think yung ngayon, it’s better than not having any communication at all. di namin kaya. :))

I don’t know how Josh and I do it. It’s been 2 years. And despite breaking up recently, we still are. But let me get it straight. We broke up, with the same understanding that we’ll still get back together. I need to give you a background first before I give you the reason.

I was feeling uninspired this past year. After graduating from college, I was lying low when all my friends were busy applying for a job. I couldn’t work because my family and I were planning to migrate to Canada. And while waiting for the visa, the conditions were that I should be dependent on my parents, be currently studying and not working. I decided to take a second degree in Accountancy. I studied for a year and felt unsatisfied. I was in a school where I feel so unattached, like I didn’t belong there. I was taking a course I wasn’t enjoying. I wanted to find a job so bad. I thought about the opportunities I didn’t take. And let’s say that late 2010 wasn’t the best for Josh and I. Eventually, I started to feel worthless. My self-esteem began to crumble. I was becoming more and more insecure. Even if Josh and I were okay again and were happy being together, I still felt like something was missing.

And just recently, I decided that it would be better if we go on a break for a while so that I can work on myself. I don’t want to go back to school anymore. I needed to find inspiration in something else. I have to feel good about myself again, find my self-worth. Josh didn’t understand at first because he was so afraid of losing me. And with my decision, I was scared that I was going to lose him, too. But he was so understanding. 

We still communicate with each other. We still see each other. We’re not friends. We’re not special friends, either. I don’t know what we are at all. HAHA! We still say “I love you” and “I miss you”. We still annoy each other and make each other laugh. I think that we built a great support system. I’m still here for him, he’s still there for me. We don’t know what label to put on what we have now. What I know though is that we’re becoming mature people. We allow each other to grow even if it means sacrificing our own relationship. That even if we’re on a break, we’re confident that we’ll still be with each other in the future. I can’t even begin to define how much I love him. I guess that should be in another post. Haha. After all that has happened, after all these years, I’m still this fucking crazy-in-love puppy! Haha.

I hope I find what I’m looking for. I hope my insecurities won’t get the best of me. I want to let go of them and not allow them to eat me up. I know it’s cliche but I have to start believing in myself again. One thing I realized in the past few days is that you have to have a great relationship with yourself first before you can have a great relationship with someone. Just the thought of having a lasting relationship with Josh makes me want to strive harder to be a better person. I guess that’s what you call LOVE. :’)

I didn’t enroll for summer class because I wanted a break from school. Pfft. Who doesn’t want that? Anyway, I’ve been watching DVDs with my brother and sister since last night. We’ve watched these:

• Sex and the City 
• Sex and the City 2
• Going the Distance 
• The Social Network
• Easy A

I don’t know if we’re going to watch a movie tonight. Bb. Pilipinas is on! The contestants are all gorgeous. I hope they’re really smart, too. We all want this year’s Ms. Universe to be a Filipino, yknow. Haha. Bye for now. :)